


Dungeons And Dragons, and your Princess is in another castle!

by tadojoon (namtae)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Other, Swearing, is mating w dragons a thing? now?, it's rated for teens bc it has swearing, it's the hyung line being crackheads, kun is tired give him vacations from his own group
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-06-28 00:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19800610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/namtae/pseuds/tadojoon
Summary: What happens when Johnny buys stuff in the internet? We know things don't get exactly as expected.Not even when it's a D&D All Characters Special Edition V5.And neither when Lucas, Winwin, Ten and Kun decide to visit the rest of the group since the two subunits have some days off.





	Dungeons And Dragons, and your Princess is in another castle!

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: It's NCT's tabletop game night. The chaos that ensues is only to be expected. It's not easy being the DM, and Kun knows that the best.
> 
> Pairing: Any, can be without ship  
> Rating: T  
> Notes/Bonus Points: Go crazy with the things NCT makes their characters do in D&D.  
> Kun, absolutely exasperated and ready to kick the next member who wants to seduce the ancient fire dragon.
> 
> It was a really fun story to make since I got the nerdiest looking info about D&D (I have never played it in my whole life) and I had a great time, and I learnt about of the game. I love half breeds now tbh. 
> 
> Enjoy to read it just as I enjoyed to write it. ::D

You must be wondering, how does our story begin? Well. It's actually funny. Also kind of sad.

Well, it's not sad at all. It's full of rage, weirdness, nonsense and betrayals.

"What did you just said to me!?"

"I got a 20, so now your Druid has a small dick!!"

“It’s not a Druid, it’s your motherfucking god-”

“GIVE THEM TO ME, GIVE THE DICE RIGHT NOW SUH YOUNGHO.”

"Everyone, stop. I think Kun is going to explode-"

This is where we start, for real. It happened at the morning, when Johnny happily rushed to the front door of the dorm before the bell even rang. He pushed poor Ten who just got to the dorm and signed for his package, with Taeyong doing a beeline to the door, staring at the older one doubly.

"What is that thing? Come in, Ten. He pushed you, didn't he?" Taeyong pulled Ten inside and hurried him to get to the kitchen where a nice breakfast made by Doyoung, Kun and himself, was waiting.

The blond boy turned around and grabbed the American by his clothes, ready to throw him playfully. "Yah, you! What is that? Don't make me say it again."

"Okay, 'Kay! Don't pull me. It's D&D, Sexy Japanese Edition. I was hoping we can play, just us... The hyung line. Dream is not here, and Hyuck is resting. Please?"

"Did you bought it? I thought you wouldn't do it. Did Yuta made you buy it?" Taeyong stared at him with suspicion. But when Johnny stared back at him with puppy eyes and a tiny pout, he couldn't resist the cringe (and the tiniest piece of adoration he had for the older) and mumbled: "Okay, we can play" and added with a louder voice "But first we are having breakfast."

When everyone finished their pancakes Johnny pushed away all the plates and cups, gaining a glare from Kun, and a collective sigh from the rest of the group. “It’s time to play, mates!” He said with his big goofy smile.

Doyoung started to clean the table, since he knew that when the older was in this state, he wouldn’t budge at all. “Who wants to play… whatever is that with Johnny?”

“It’s not a whatever, it’s everything! With imagination you can do anything!” The American interrupted Doyoung, making a big pout again. Kun decided to intervene and smiled at the older, grabbing his attention. With a sweet and soft voice he asked, “What is that game? You can play with your imagination, you said?”

That’s the worst Kun could ever do.

Like ever.

Johnny explained for ten minutes how could you play the game, with endless explanations and ‘what if’ situations, until everyone asked him to start the game already.

“Who’s gonna be the headmaster, then?” Yuta asked, playing with a chocolate cookie. Johnny interrupted again in a low voice ‘Dungeon Master’.

“Maybe Kun should do it, since he was really excited, just as Johnny hyung” Doyoung answered the Japanese’s question, big gummy smile already showing. Kun stared at him with disbelief. Maybe, and just maybe… he had been convicted by Mister Kim.

Kun waited until all his friends got to finish their character sheets. All of them seemed to be excited by it, with Johnny chattering around about what they should choose by their appearances. John stopped his quackery when he was hit by Taeyong for saying that he could be a tiny little druid.

Yuta decided to stay with the Paladin. He said it was like his strong alike personality, but in reality everyone knew he should be a Sorcerer. Doyoung went for a Magician, Kun thought that if he was playing he would totally choose the Magician.

Taeyong went as a Barbarian, even though Johnny kept his idea of a tiny druid, and almost got hit again, by Taeyong and by all the other members. Taeil was tired of all of it so he just picked randomly. He took the druid, with Yuta singsonging 'tiny people rights!’. Everyone stared at the Japanese, like he just grow another head. He didn’t have the rights to talk about being tiny…

Sicheng decided to participate, Ten too. Even though they didn’t want to get involved in the shenanigans of Johnny this early in the morning... Ten had more patience for the older, and Sicheng was glad John would give him space.

Sicheng chose one of the characters from the special edition, Kemono. It was a Japanese beast, so it was the best for him. Ten decided to be a Rogue, because it was ‘really cool and mysterious’. Kun said in a low voice ‘Why there’s not any elves for Ten’ and the whole room was filled with laughs and Ten high pitched squealing.

Jaehyun followed Sicheng’s idea and grabbed the ninja, dimple smile showing with all his might. “I think it’s cool, he’s like in the shadows”.

Jungwoo went for a Warlock, saying “He’s the coolest, who has a crow on his shoulder! Only him-… But also this one looks cool, too! I think I’m going to keep the _Sorcerer_ ”. Jungwoo gasped while he was reading about his character and how they could summon _dead people to fight for them_. He smiled brightly, clapping at his newest creation. Lucas laughed loudly and shook his head grabbing his character sheet and rising it up high. “Ranger!!! Ranger, so cool. Bam! They go with animals and monsters and they can have a friendship link, wow!”

Last but not least, the cause of all this raised his sheet of paper as Lucas did, showing a Samupiro. It had wings and a sword and a cool black hat. But Johnny did the art, so it was all spiky and terrifying somehow.

But it was… a Samupiro. What the fuck was a Samupiro-

Everyone stared at Johnny with disbelief. “What? It’s cool!!! I can be the son of a Vampire and a Samurai-”

Kun interrupted the older man with a raised eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t think that’s correct, Johnny hyung. Everyone got their character with their proper characteristics-…”

He was interrupted not by Johnny… But by Winwin. “I want to be a Kitsumono! Then I’ll have tails AND horns!” That occasioned all the chaos Kun wasn’t prepared for. Jaehyun groaned and yelled: “I want to be a Samupire too!”

Johnny made his characteristic childish groan and stomped his feet at the floor. “No, you can’t be a Samupire, I’m a Samupire. I bought this edition because there’s ton of character-”

“You mixed up TWO of them, hyung! Not cool, Ranger is cool!” Lucas yelled, smashing his palms over the table.

“Everyone, quiet! Just shut up for a moment!” Taeyong interrupted all their bickering, softly caressing Kun’s back.

He knew this was going to be fun but also, a really bad idea. Kun already had too much on his plate with WeishenV. He was their leader after all, and even if he wasn’t the official leader of NCT as a whole, he knew that it was the biggest pillar of the group. “John it’s on the rules that you can merge them but choose one to be the dominant race. It goes to all of you who want to mix them.” Taeyong added while he stared at one of his best friends.

When everything got calmer and only two of them were sticking to the idea of having a half breed character: Johnny and Winwin.

Johnny had the half Vampire as the dominant species, but since it was a Samurai also, he used a sun umbrella. Sicheng had this half breed of a Dragon and a Human, and the dominant species was obviously the Dragon one. All the members sat at the living room on the couches and pillows, the members scattered around the place, chatting while Kun finished to read the quick manual of Dungeon Master. He got the attention of the members with a soft applause, and with a big smile he started The Quest.

“So, the leader of the Magic Quest to find the sword of Lü Dongbin, and defeat the evil Mogwai that trapped a Princ-” He was interrupted by no any other than Johnny the Samurai, who whined and pointed at the younger with a pencil.

“A quest to save a princess? Are you kidding me? That’s not fun at all, let’s go have some fun at the tavern first! Who’s with me?”

“We don’t know who the leader is, and probably you’re not the chosen one”. Yuta joked while he played with a 20-faced dice.

“The leader is Doyoung, of course-” Kun was being interrupted again, but Ten was guilty this time. “I can’t believe you made Mister Safe the leader! I want to go and kill the King that rules this really ugly country! I should be the leader of the quest”.

“You’re not going to be the leader, Ten. You’re scared of fruits, you can’t be the leader”

“That’s not fair, I’m perfectly capable of handling a situation with evil fruit demons-”

Sicheng yelled “BANANA” and with just that Ten screeched, got up from his pillow and ran away from the room. Everyone stared at the door with Ten getting back to his position, with a frown. “You’re going to pay for this, Sicheng” The Thai said in a broken Chinese. The Chinese smiled back at his older brother and waved his hand. 

Kun was already wishing of something ruining the game so he could end his suffering. But he waited for a minute and nothing happened. Then Kun decided to continue his explanation about the game.

“So, since no one would like to save a princess, you have to rescue the King of a big kingdom close to the sea. And I'm not going to change the plot of the party again, okay?”

The quest started almost smoothly. The party went to the city of-

“Big Peachy Mountain!” Jungwoo exclaimed, clapping and laughing.

“We’re not going to call the main city “Peachy Mountain”. Doyoung snarled, shuffling the dices inside his fist.

Johnny decided to respond to that with: “Let’s call it Big Doie Bootie-”

“Or Jonibootie” Taeil added, making everyone scream in cringe, even Johnny. Kun decided to step in and he said: “We’re calling it Babo City, since you guys are so funny. You live in the city of the Stupid people.”

The whole party managed to shut their mouths, while they stared at Kun in disbelief. Did he just cracked a joke? It was really nonsense, but in unison everyone smiled at that… Of course, it was pretty funny that Kun was getting inside the game just like them. “So, you got to the Babo City, what do you want to do on it?” The DM added since no one talked.

Taeyong stared at the information of his character, Tyrgon the Barbarian. Then he looked at Kun right into his eyes and said with a serious tone. “I want to punch some trees. And then eat the biggest cow I can fit in my mouth”.

Johnny almost dropped his chips. Sicheng just snorted. But Jungwoo said with a big goofy smile. “I want to _blast some magic_ to the tree before he punches it so I can **destroy it**.”

Kun sighed while rubbing his temples and rolled his dices. Jungwoo’s character, _Jennifer_ got two ones. Even though his character was a he, not a she. But moving on... “Your attack doesn’t do much to the tree and you almost smash your hand on it, and Tyrgon…” He dropped again the dices and whistled, staring with awe the two twenties he got. What a nice luck for a _really dumb start_.

“Tyrgon smashed the tree with his powerful fists and then he ran at the closest and biggest cow- no. He took a bite and another of the poor bull who was just chilling and the farmer that owns that bull tried to beat you up. But couldn’t. Now, you’re a mean coward that likes to eat animals’ alive, congratulations.”

Everyone booed at Taeyong, screaming that it was an ugly scene to imagine, and Ten screeched at Kun obviously. How could that _boring grandpa mind of his_ imagine all that in just a tiny fraction of time, Doyoung decided to talk, with a disgusted gaze. “I want to help the bull with my magic, let’s cure him! You ugly monster… Tyrgon I can’t believe we’re at the same team....”

“Are you at my side or against it, Dyngarl? Do you want to fight?” Taeyong already inside the game stood from his seat and showed up his fists, obviously in a friendly manner. Doyoung did the same and said. “Do you want to fight, dwarf?”

“I’m not a dwarf, I’m taller than you”

“Only in this game, tiny hyung-”

“How did you just--”

“You two, silence. Dyngarl throw the dice already, Tyrgon please sit down.” Kun decided to stop their bickering before it went to something heavier and not just a _friendly fight._

The party waited until Doyoung threw the dice and a whole 20 appeared right in front of their eyes. Everyone screamed again but this time in victory and stared at Kun, who was looking through the book of rules.

“Dyngarl decided it was horrible to leave the animal like that, and with his magic spell of resurrection he managed to bring it back. But the bull seems kinda off. It’s weird… Oh, no. It’s not. The animal did lost its soul already, we have a Sorcerer with a magical dark amulet. And now its soul is in there, feeding Jennifer’s powers.”

“Well look at that, now Jennifer’s gonna be a bull or what?” Johnny asked, playing with his hair.

Kun answered “Well if he tries to cast a spell and it goes wild… maybe. Maybe he can become a furry. I don’t know, wild magic is…. _wild_.”

Jungwoo laughed at that connotation, and grabbed the dice. With a gentle shake he threw it on the table. “I want to cast a spell at Iuta!”

“What-!? Why me?” Johnny exclaimed, making a big pout. Jungwoo answered right away with: “Because I want to make you tiny so I can have you inside my pocket.”

Kun stared at the whole “One” that landed on the table, and smiled widely. “Now you have to throw it again, Woo. We need those wild spells that you have.” The whole room went silent, Jungwoo staring at the “14”, meanwhile Kun was reading the card for Wild Magic. The Chinese man started to sweat, and with a more nervous smile, he said. “Jennifer tried to make Iuta the Samurai really tiny, but sparkles of red became purple and the spell went right after him, and with a BAM…. Jennifer is now half bull.”

“Oh NO, HE BECAME A FURRY.” Ten yelled, throwing his chips on the floor while he rolled and laughed.

“Now we have to feed Woo grass!!!! We have to feed him Nctzens?!” Taeyong half proclaimed, half asked his band mates, giggling.

They went wild just like Jungwoo’s magic, making fun of the younger, doing bad jokes about _milking_ Jungwoo… Even though the cows have milk and not the bulls, but you get it. Suddenly Lucas stepped in, doing a tiny frown and a pout. “Can’t we fix Jungwoo...?” The youngest at the moment asked, and Kun decided to answer… He couldn’t say no to that face. “We do have another magic user and that’s Doyoung… If he wants to fix hi-”

“No, let him be our mascot.” Doyoung interrupted, a smirk adorning his factions.

“....Then I want to try and ride Jennifer” Lucas grabbed the dice and without much efforts, he threw a _20._

Jaehyun stepped in before Kun could narrate the next movement “Why does it seem like we always get higher numbers for dumb stuff…”

“I don’t know, peachy…” The DM said, sighing. “....Lord Li….Lie….Lis-.... Lord Lizenikus?-... threw himself on the back of Jennifer, and proclaimed doing the V of victory to keep on their quest to save the King and his kingdom.”

“What a dumb name…” Yuta murmured. And Lucas obviously stared at the Japanese man. His name was fucking _Yvens the Magnific._ He couldn’t say **anything** about it.

All the remaining idols around the table stared at Yuta in disbelief. Even Taeil’s name, _Taeil_ , was actually really good. Who would even thought about using their own name for their characters? Was it too lazy? Or just genius?

Kun decided it was enough Yuta judging and kept talking about their quest, and how their characters were getting closer to their destination…. Even though Jennifer was still a bull, and Doyoung or Dyngarl didn’t want to fix his poor _quest mate_.

As they were progressing thru the story Kun was making up, the things mood of the players was heating up more and more. Maybe it was because of Jenikhu and Dyngarl’s competitive flame. Or maybe it was because of how they were trying to jinx each other with magic, or throwing weapons at the most bizarre turnout of events.

“Okay, okay. No, Doyoung. You can’t jinx Jaehyun. No, Lucas. You can’t eat Jungwoo. And no, Ten… You can’t _kill_ all the fruits you pass by in the market of the kingdom. They are already dead to be fair enough.” Kun repeated himself for the fifth time, already exhausted.

“But he started!” Doyoung yelled, pointing at the creator of Jenikhu.

“And you kept bothering me, now you’re in the mud. Who’s gonna rescue? Jennifer?” Jaehyun snickered, holding a chip between his left thumb and pointer finger.

Jungwoo gasped and with the most high-pitched voice he whined. “Why are you betraying me like this?! I thought we were friends!”

Johnny interrupted… “I want to get on a dragon, what do I need to do to accomplish my mission, DM?” …With something really out of the blue, that had nothing to do with the actual topic at all.

Yuta followed that idea and now there were two different conversations going on. “Maybe Wentaro should carry your dummy thick ass around.”

_“You’re not my friend at this moment, you are a Bull, Jennifer”_

“I don’t want to carry that immortal ass around, take it, it’s all for you after all.” Sicheng groaned, trying to draw his awesome half-breed character. “Also, don’t you know how to levitate, Iuta?”

“Are you talking to Yuta or to me?” Johnny asked.

_“I’m still your friend, I will become a human… In a week or so-…”_

“Not Yuta, Iuta. I’m talking about your immortal and stupid ass, hyung.”

_“You know you both are fighting for something ridiculous?”_ Doyoung asked both Jaehyun and Jungwoo.

“How dare you talking to me like that, go to your room young baby!”

“Yes but it is funny, look how flustered he’s getting.” Jaehyun pointed at Jungwoo’s red cheeks, showing off his dimples.

“I’m not a baby hyung-“ _“I’m not flustered!”_

**“I’m bored, I want to kill Dyngarl. And I’m throwing the dice, Kun.”** Ten was already throwing it when he finished talking, and smiled at the _19_ that appeared on that face of the dice.

Kun looked first at the dice, then at Doyoung (who was holding his breath since it was obviously that could kill him) and then at Ten. “I don't think there's a problem with that.”

“WHAT!?” Doyoung snarled, while Ten jumped in celebration of his murderous victory. “Yes!”

“Holy fuck-…“ Johnny mumbled under his breath.

The room went silent again, everyone listening to Kun’s narration. “And so on, the only character who could save them from the devastation of a poisoning… because they don’t believe in Taeil and his way with herbs, Dyngarl was automatically stabbed by Telinnus.

“I want to save myself!!!” Doyoung groaned, grabbing the pair of dice. Kun nodded and grabbed one of the multiple rule guides he had in his power and proclaimed. “You must achieve a natural 20 in both dice to save yourself, are you ready?”

Taeil patted his back enthusiastically, since he knew he couldn’t save him with his loving earth powers… _and he was the only magician left in their party_.

Doyoung started sweating.

Everyone was watching patiently how the dice were shuffled inside Doyoung palms, and with a swift movement…

“TWO TWENTIES”

“YEEHAW!” Johnny yelled.

Doyoung breathed before he yelled pointing at Ten’s face. “IN YOUR FACE, MURDEROUS HOBBIT.”

“H-hobbit?-“

“It’s what Taeil hyung’s character is?” Jungwoo asked innocently.

Lucas added, nodding. “Yes, yes! He’s a dwarf-“

“I’m a Druid guys-…“ But before Taeil could redeem his characters height, Yuta smooched Sicheng’s face. The sullen look in Taeil’s face was priceless. And with that, they started kicking each other, with the rest of the group heading to their next destination. (Ten tied with magic ropes from Doyoung, just in case.)

They decided to add to the story about how Yvens the Magnific and Taeil fight for the love of the half dragon, half human Wentaro. And how Yvens kissed Wentaro in the cheek.

Next they knew of was how Yvens had some hairs of his scalp transformed into ugly and dry weeds. The party returned to its normal weirdness, and they were introduced to the rest of the kingdom’s village.

But when they got to the real location that was closer to the sea than the actual city, the whole party voted to go to the biggest underwater cave near the shore that was at the moment visible thanks to the low tide.

“Taeil and Lord Lizenikus knew there was something off inside that cave. Taeil saw the vast species of plants growing there even if the cave disappears with the rise of the tide, and Lizenikus felt a presence by. And it was not human nor half human at all. It’s _The Dragon that guarded the sword to defeat the evil king…_ The Lü Dongbin sword _._ ”

“Can we name the Dragon… Sweet butt cheeks? He’s sexy like Sicheng.” Yuta winked at the poor Chinese soul that had on his left, while Sicheng tried to maintain himself as calm as possible.

“It’s a female dragon, so no-…“ Kun was interrupted by… Taeil. That was unexpected.

“I want to feed Yvens to the dragon, and we can call her Anita Man.”

The party went silent before they _screeched_ a big laughing fit. _Anita Man_. Maybe Taeil was getting along more with NCT Dream. Or maybe it was his spike of daily weirdness.

“Y-you can’t feed Yvens to the dragon--... But we can call her Anita Man-…” Kun cleaned his inexistent teardrops and kept the narration mode on, ready to say a little bit more of story. “Anita Man was pissed off with all of you, so she…” He threw the dice and it was a natural 20. “… Threw a flamethrower at Yvens, Jennifer and Tyrgon who were the closest at the moment.”

The three of them tried to avoid the attack without getting any damage in the process, but they have the luck to throw a 4.

Johnny inhaled. “She’s beautiful. I….. I want to make out with her-…“ The second oldest of them grabbed the dice and threw a natural 20. Kun, with the luck he had, threw just a 2. He couldn’t avoid the seduction of the half breed. With exasperation he related. “Anita Man was shook when Iuta got close to her, and then smooched her big and dangerous snout…”

Sicheng gasped and threw the dice. “I want to be her boyfriend, it’s not fair! I’m the half dragon, she’s so hot-!”

“What-…“ Kun groaned already annoyed with the furry- or _scaly_ situation he got in his hands to handle.

Taeil tried to grab the dice but Sicheng wouldn’t let him. “I want to kill her, let me do it!!!”

“No, we are having a great time kissing, party boomer!” Johnny giggled and clapped with a big and dumb smile plastered in his face.

Sicheng threw the dice. Another natural 20. “My action is now to make Taeil’s dwarf penis tinier.”

“I’m a Druid!!! And no, it’s not fair-“

"I got a 20, so now your Druid has a small dick!!"

“It’s not a Druid, it’s your motherfucking god-”

Johnny tried to grab the dice and Sicheng almost threw him chips at the face. “It’s still my turn-!”

The older snarled and tried again. “I want to keep kissing my dragon wife-!!”

“Is this Shrek already?” Taeyong groaned, thinking about the Donkey and the Dragon.

“Nah, we need Hendery for that.” Ten added, while he stared at the cat fight that was happening right in front of his own eyes. “John’s just a furry with weird concepts of love.”

“SAY THAT TO MY FACE.” Johnny put the set of dice inside of his mouth, triumphant.

“GIVE THEM TO ME, GIVE THE DICE RIGHT NOW SUH YOUNGHO.” Sicheng pushed the older around, trying to coax him to open his jaw.

“Hey guys, Kun doesn’t look so good…” Lucas stated with a long face.

And of course, Kun’s forehead was popping a vein already, left eye twitching. With a long drag of breath, he started narrating.

“Anita Man married Iuta in that moment, and they had children. Yvens the Magnific, Taeil and Wentaro had a sane relationship. Dyngarl decided to forgive Telinnus and also made Jennifer human again. Lord Lizenikus, Jenikhu and Tyrgon were the only ones who could complete the mission without killing their friends, or fucking with dragons, so they’re now the new kings of Babo Kingdom. The end.”

Kun added, not letting the others talk to him. “I’m going to see the children, and they’re going to McDonald’s with me.”

“What about us?” Jungwoo mumbled.

“You guys can go with me when you’re mature enough, like Dream.” Kun waved with a big smile, and slammed the door.

The room went silent.

The only thing that made sound was Ten’s munching.

Taeyong decided to speak first.

**_“Does he even know that is almost 4:00 AM?”_ **


End file.
